Christmas Wishes For the Psychiactrically Challenged

SCHIZOPHRENIA -
Do You Hear What I Hear?

MULTIPLE PERSONALITY -
We Three Kings Disoriented Are.

DEMENTIA -
I Think I'll Be Home For Christmas.

NARCISSISTIC -
Hark The Herald Angels Sing (About Me)

MANIA -
Deck the Halls and Walls and House and Lawn and Streets and and Office and Town ...or Deck the Halls and Spare No Expense!

PARANOIA -
Santa Claus is Coming To Get Me.

PERSONALITY DISORDER -
You Better Watch Out, I'm Gonna Cry, I'm Gonna Pout, then MAYBE I'll tell you why.

DEPRESSION -
Silent anhedonia, Holy anhedonia. All is calm, All is pretty lonely.

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE DISORDER-
Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell, Jingle Bell Rock, Jingle Bell... (YOU GET THE IDEA)

OBSESSIVE COMPULSIVE PERSONALITY-
The Twelve Days of Christmas
(don't make me repeat that again)

BORDERLINE PERSONALITY -
Thoughts of Roasting in an Open Fire.

PASSIVE/AGGRESSIVE -
Silent Night

Chrisnukah - The Merger

Chrisnukah

Continuing the current trend of large-scale mergers and acquisitions, it was announced today at a press conference that Christmas and Chanukah will merge. An industry source said that the deal had been in the works for about 1300 years.

While details were not available at press time, it is believed that the overhead cost of having twelve days of Christmas and eight days of Chanukah was becoming prohibitive for both sides. By combining forces, we're told, the world will be able to enjoy consistently high-quality service during the 15 Days of Chrisnukah, as the new holiday is being called.

Massive layoffs are expected, with lords a-leaping and maids a-milking being the hardest hit. As part of the conditions of the agreement, the letters on the dreydl, currently in Hebrew, will be replaced by Latin, thus becoming unintelligible to a wider audience.

Also, instead of translating to A great miracle happened there, the message on the dreydl will be the more generic Miraculous stuff happens. In exchange, it is believed that Jews will be allowed to use Santa Claus and his vast merchandising resources for buying and delivering their gifts. In fact, one of the sticking points holding up the agreement for at least three hundred years was the question of whether Jewish children could leave milk and cookies for Santa, even after having eaten meat for dinner. A breakthrough came last year when Oreos were finally declared to be kosher. All sides appeared happy about this development except for Santa's dentist. He then closed the press conference by leading all present in a rousing rendition of Oy, Come all Ye Faithful

An IM conversation from Inside the cubicle walls...

What you are about to read is an actualy conversation that I had with co-worker. Upon rereading it, I came to the conclusion that any semblance of sanity that a person may have is sucked up of them upon entering the wonderful world of office cubicles... which are simply padded cells with no doors. The follow is just a sample of the lunacy that ensues when confined to theses odd cells for prolonged periods of time. NOTE: The names have been changed to protect the insane.

HER: i'm over here talking to myself
ME: i do that ALL the time.
ME: so it means that you are now as crazy as I am.
HER: right, exactly
ME: welcome to the club my dear. with full membership you get full access to insane notions, sarcastic reflex responses to others and really neat pencil cup.
HER: sweet!!!!!!
HER: i'm proud to be a member
ME: we'll get you your membership card and teach you the secret handshake at the next meeting.
HER: dork, lol
ME: that's it. you're out of the club.
ME: return your pencil cup right NOW!!!!
HER: FINE BY ME!!!
ME: I have x-ray specs...i can see right through you.
HER: yeah...well...i got nothin'
ME: yeah, now. but you could have had it all, but oh-no! you had to go and get all mean and snotty.
HER: i do what i want
ME: WELL MISS SMARTY-PANTS, NOW YOU CAN DO IT WITHOUT A PENCIL CUP!!!!! SO THERE!! PBBBLLLTTTHHHH!!!
HER: i don't even use pencils
ME: YOU STILL NEED THE CUP YOU FREAK!!!!!!!!!!!!
HER: no really i don't
HER: heehee
ME: Except for that part where you really DO!!
HER: except for that part where........i don't give a shit about the pencil cup!!!!!
HER: lol
ME: yes you do. so shut up.
HER: no you shut up
ME: no you shut up.
HER: no no after you
HER: jerks first
ME: you....times infinity!
HER: i suddenly feel 12 again, it's amazing
ME: well, not to go all junior high on you, but you started it.
HER: you need to "coin" that phrase
HER: fo reals
ME has changed her status message to “HER needs a guidance counselor.”
ME: (snicker snicker)......
ME: giggle giggle.......
HER: hahaha
ME: hee hee hee hee....
ME: ha ha ha hahahahahahahahah...
ME: BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HER: that's a whole lot o' laughs lady.
ME: AND THEY ARE AT YOUR EXPENSE...WHICH MAKES THEM EVEN BETTER.
HER: kiss mah arse
ME: present it....if you can get it thru the cubicle entry that is...
HER: oh no you didn't
ME: no...i didn't...except for that part where i did.
HER: lol
HER: re re (retard)
ME: damn skippy! and PROUD of it!!! Now give me back my helmet...i gotta get to school and the short bus will be here any second.
HER: hahaha, that's awesome...

HER: i just saw your status message....turd face
ME: LOL!!!! that's why i was laughing so hard.
HER: ok hyena
ME: you're the retard who took over 10 minutes to notice it.
HER: fair enough
ME: if i change your name, can i use this conversation in my blog?
HER: absolutely, haha
ME: AWESOME.