DUI Wiscosin Style

Only people from Wisconsin could think of this. From the state
where driving while under the influence is considered a sport, comes
this true story.

Recently a routine police patrol was parked outside a bar in
Ripon, Wisconsin . After last call, the officer noticed a man leaving
the bar so apparently intoxicated that he could barely walk. The man
stumbled around the parking lot for a few minutes, with the officer
quietly observing.

After what seemed an eternity, in which he tried his keys on
five different vehicles, the man managed to find his car and fall
into it. He sat there for a few minutes as a number of other patrons left
the bar and drove off. Finally he started the car, switched the wipers
on and off; it was a fine, dry summer night, flicked the blinkers on
and off a couple of times, honked the horn and then switched on the
lights. He moved the vehicle forward a few inches, reversed a little, and
then remained still for a few more minutes as some more of the other
patron's vehicles left.

At last, when his was the only car left in the parking lot, he
pulled out and drove slowly down the road. The police officer, having
waited patiently all this time, now started up his patrol car, put on
the flashing lights, and promptly pulled the man over and
administered a breathalyzer test. To his amazement, the breathalyzer indicated
no evidence that the man had consumed any alcohol at all!
Dumbfounded, the officer said, 'I'll have to ask you to accompany me to the
police station This breathalyzer equipment must be broken.'

'I doubt it,' said the truly proud Redneck. 'Tonight... I'm the
designated decoy.'

Reasons to allow drinking at work

The below are valid reasons as to why drinking should be allowed at work. If you use them wisely, you may even be able to convince your boss into allowing alcohol.

1. It's an incentive to show up.

2. It reduces stress.

3. It leads to more honest communications.

4. It reduces complaints about low pay.

5. It cuts down on time off because you can work with a hangover.

6. Employees tell management what they think, not what management wants to hear.

7. It helps save on heating costs in the winter.

8. It encourages carpooling.

9. Increases job satisfaction because if you have a bad job you don't care.

10. It eliminates vacations because people would rather come to work.

11. It makes fellow employees look better.

12. It makes the cafeteria food taste better.

13. Bosses are more likely to hand out raises when they are wasted.

14. Salary negotiations are a lot more profitable.

15. If something does something stupid on the job, it will be quickly forgotten.

Top 10 Signs Of a Really Bad Hangover

1. You'd rather have a pencil poked in your eye than be exposed to sunlight.

2. Trying to gain control of the situation, you continue to tell your room to "stay still."

3. Looking at yourself in the mirror induces the same reaction as chugging a glass of fresh paint.

4. You're convinced that chirping birds are Satan's pets.

5. You set aside an entire morning to spend some quality time with your toilet.

6. You replaced the traditional praying on your knees with the more feasible praying in a fetal position.

7. The bathroom reminds you of a carnival barker shouting, "Step right up and give it whirl!"

8. All day long your motto is, "Never again."

9. You could purchase a new bike just by recycling the bottles around your bed.

10. Your natural response to "Good morning," is "Be quiet!

When Women Drink....

. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.

2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BUTT WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.

3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO.

4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW
LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO.

5.WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.

6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAY'S BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"

7. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK
SITTING NEXT TO US.

8. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.

9. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVING US JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE GIN.

10. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR (or the mop?).

11. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.


12. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.