The Guys' Rules for Women

At last a guy has taken the time to write this all down. Finally, the guys' side of the story. (I must admit, it's pretty good.)

We always hear "the rules" from the female side. Now here are the rules from the male side. Well, turn-about is fair play. These are our rules!


1. Learn to work the toilet seat. You're a big girl. If it's up, put it down. We need it up, you need it down. You don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down.

2. Sunday sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. Let it be.

3. Shopping is NOT a sport. And no, we are never going to think of it that way.

4. Crying is blackmail. (lmao)

5. Ask for what you want. Let us be clear on this one:
Subtle hints do not work!
Strong hints do not work!
Obvious hints do not work!
Just say it! Amen !

6. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question.

7. Come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. That's what we do. Sympathy is what your girlfriends are for.

8. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.

9. Anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. In fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days.

10. If you won't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.

11. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.

12. If something we said can be interpreted two ways and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. Anything to avoid problems.

13. You can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. Not both. If you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself.

14. Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.

15. Christopher Columbus did not need directions and neither do we.

16. ALL men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. Peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. Pumpkin is also a fruit. We have no idea what mauve is.

17. If it itches, it will be scratched. We do that.

18. If we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. We know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle.

19. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. Y would u ask a Q that u dont want an answer to?

20. When we have to go somewhere, absolutely anything you wear is fine...Really.

21. Don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as baseball, the shotgun formation, wrestling, sexy babes or monster trucks.

22. You have enough clothes.

23. You have too many shoes.

24. I am in shape. Round is a shape.

Thank you for reading this. Yes, I know, I have to sleep on the couch tonight; but did you know men really don't mind that? It's like camping. At least i save on bug spray.

Hormone Safety Guide For Men

Give this to the significant male in your life. A laminated card might be best.
>
> Hormones
>
>
>
> The Hormone Hostage knows that there are days in the month when
> all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his very life into
his
> own hands!?
>
> This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's
> license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, or significant
> other!!
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS:What's for dinner?
>
> SAFER:Can I help you with dinner?
>
> SAFEST:Where would you like to go for dinner?
>
> ULTRASAFE:Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS:Are you wearing that?
>
> SAFER:Gee, you look good in brown.
>
> SAFEST:WOW! Look at you!
>
> ULTRASAFE:Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS:What are you so worked up about?
>
> SAFER:What did I do wrong?
>
> SAFEST:Here's fifty dollars.
>
> ULTRASAFE:Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS:Should you be eating that?
>
> SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
>
> SAFEST:Can I get you a glass of wine with that?
>
> ULTRASAFE:Here, have some chocolate.
>
>
>
> DANGEROUS:What did you do all day?
>
> SAFER:I hope you didn't overdo it today.
>
> ! SAFEST:I've always loved you in that robe!
>
> ULTRASAFE:Here, have some more chocolate.
>
>
>
> 13 Things PMS Stands For:
>
> 1. Pass My Shotgun
>
> 2. Psychotic Mood Shift
>
> 3. Perpetual Munching Spree
>
> 4. Puffy Mid-Section
>
> 5. People Make me Sick
>
> 6. Provide Me with Sweets
>
> 7. Pardon My Sobbing
>
> 8. Pimples May Surface
>
> 9. Pass My Sweatpants
>
> 10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
>
> 11. Plainly; Men Suck
>
> 12. Pack My Stuff......
>
>
>
> ..And my favorite one...
>
>
>
> 13. Potential Murder Suspect
>
>
>
> Pass this onto all of your hormonal friends and those who might
> need a good laugh! Or men who need a warning! And remember: Money
> talks...but chocolate sings.
>
>
>
> Another thing to giggle about... My husband, not happy with my
> mood swings, bought me a mood ring the other day so he would be able
to
> monitor my moods.? When I'm in a good mood, it turns green. When I'm
in a
> bad mood, it leaves a big red mark on his forehead. Maybe next time
he'll
> buy me diamonds.
>
>
>
> Here have some chocolate.