How to pee politely

During one of her daily classes a teacher trying to teach
Good manners, asked her students the following question:

'Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady,
How would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?'

Michael said, 'Just a minute, I have to go pee.'

The teacher responded by saying, 'That would be rude and impolite.
What about you Peter, how would you say it?'

Peter said, 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom.
I'll be right back.'

'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom
at the dinner table. And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for
once and show us your good manners?'

'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have
to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope you'll get
to meet after dinner.'

THE TEACHER FAINTED..... ........

The Miracle of Toilet Paper

THE MIRACLE OF TOILET PAPER
Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically
telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet
paper and rub it between them for a few seconds.' Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing it between my breasts. 'How long will this take?' I asked.

They will grow larger over a period of years,' my husband replies. I
stopped. 'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between
my breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?' Without
missing a beat he says, 'Worked for your ass, didn't it?'

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy, he may even walk
again, although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

Stupid, stupid man..