In The Beginning - And Lo' It Was Funky

In the beginning there was a bass. It was a Fender, probably a Precision, but it could have been a Jazz - nobody knows. Anyway, it was very old ... definitely pre-C.B.S.

And God looked down upon it and saw that it was good. He saw that it was very good in fact, and couldn't be improved on at all (though men would later try.) And so He let it be and He created a man to play the bass.

And lo the man looked upon the bass, which was a beautiful 'sunburst', and he loved it. He played upon the open E string and the note rang through the earth and reverberated throughout the firmaments (thus reverb came to be.) And it was good. And God heard that it was good and He smiled at his handiwork.

Then in the course of time, the man came to slap upon the bass. And lo it was funky.

And God heard this funkiness and He said, "Go man, go." And it was good.

And more time passed, and, having little else to do, the man came to practice upon the bass. And lo, the man came to have upon him a great set of chops. And he did play faster and faster until the notes rippled like a breeze through the heavens.

And God heard this sound which sounded something like the wind, which He had created earlier. It also sounded something like the movement of furniture, which He hadn't even created yet, and He was not so pleased. And He spoke to the man, saying "Don't do that!"

Now the man heard the voice of God, but he was so excited about his new ability that he slapped upon the bass a blizzard of funky notes. And the heavens shook with the sound, and the Angels ran about in confusion. (Some of the Angels started to dance, but that's another story.)

And God heard this - how could He miss it - and lo He became Bugged. And He spoke to the man, and He said, "Listen man, if I wanted Jimi Hendrix I would have created the guitar. Stick to the bass parts."

And the man heard the voice of God, and he knew not to mess with it. But now he had upon him a passion for playing fast and high. The man took the frets off of the bass which God had created. And the man did slide his fingers upon the fretless fingerboard and play melodies high upon the neck. And, in his excitement, the man did forget the commandment of the Lord, and he played a frenzy of high melodies and blindingly fast licks. And the heavens rocked with the assault and the earth shook, rattled and rolled.

Now God's wrath was great. And His voice was thunder as He spoke to the man.

And He said, "O.K. for you, pal. You have not heeded My word. Lo, I shall create a soprano saxophone and it shall play higher than you can even think of."

"And from out of the chaos I shall bring forth the drums. And they shall play so many notes thine head shall ache, and I shall make you to always stand next to the drummer."

"You think you're loud? I shall create a stack of Marshall guitar amps to make thine ears bleed. And I shall send down upon the earth other instruments, and lo, they shall all be able to play higher and faster than the bass."

"And for all the days of man, your curse shall be this; that all the other musicians shall look to you, the bass player, for the low notes. And if you play too high or fast all the other musicians shall say "Wow" but really they shall hate it. And they shall tell you you're ready for your solo career, and find other bass players for their bands. And for all your days if you want to play your fancy licks you shall have to sneak them in like a thief in the night."

"And if you finally do get to play a solo, everyone shall leave the bandstand and go to the bar for a drink."

And it was so.

100 Things To Remember - By Tim Wilson

I had a crazy uncle that was on his deathbed a long time ago,
he said "BOY... there's a hundred things in life every man needs to know to
survive... and here's 39 of em'"

a virgin don't never drive a z-28
never bet the ranch on your prostate
if it's got an adams apple its probley a man
never trust a gay gypsy with the palm of your hand

she didn't accidently get good in bed
you can't join a church if your already dead
a work uniform ain't totally nude
brim and bass ain't seafood

when theres guns in the house one better be yours
don't be naked next to any fishin' lures
if theres girl scout cookies she's a little too young
if you say I do... be the ugly one

don't ever let a bald man borry your comb
never play strip poker in a nursin' home
don't blame your pall bearers cuz they don't show
if your buried in the middle of the super bowl

let people borry money they'll leave you alone
never fry bacon without a shirt on
never spray water on a hornets nest
a woman rarely aces the drivers test

the sign probly don't really mean massage
never threaten anybody in camoflauge
say you love her til she lays down the butcher knife
never put the move on the bosses wife

she's messin' round on ya if yer briefs don't fit
never trust a hitch-hiker to babysit
Cosmo's never in a happy home
you can't cut a deal with a kidney stone

a politician ain't got an HMO
washin' her hair means she don't wanna go
don't ridicule a biker bout' his tatoo
you been married nine times... hell maybe its you

Doom ain't the same as donkey kong
if he's wearing high heels you mighta raised him wrong
the clinic ain't the best place to pick up dates
don't rent a room from a man named Bates

a tank tops never on a billionaire
Stevie Ray Vaughn missed a note here and there
how many get to heaven noone knows
but hell will be asses and elbows

and then he died... crazy fool rolled over and DIED! and never did tell me
what them other 61 things were... so if anybody out there knows... how
bout gettin' ahold of me at tim wilson dot net.

About American Idol

blogger Tags: american idol, idol, simon cowell, paula abdul, randy jackson, clay aiken, kelly clarkson, jennifer hudson, tv, music

Thou Shalt Not Commit Idolatry!

Idolatry. People, that one is in the top 10 of big no-nos. And at this point, I am saying AMEN!! Why, you may ask, am I bringing it up? Some of you have probably already guessed the answer to that, but I am going to say it anyway….

I HATE AMERICAN IDOL!!!

Was that clear or am I being too vague? What is this mania with this show? You grab a bunch of people, dangle their dreams in front of them and then have them decimated by a snotty Englishman (gee, I wonder where they came up with that?? Can you say “stereotype”?) a sub-standard former pop singer (sorry, but if you ever listen to Paula Abdul, and don’t pay any attention to the music that carried her songs, you find that this loopy little shorty can’t sing, and never could as far as I can tell) and a big jolly guy who has unceremoniously ruined the use of the word “dawg” for absolutely EVERYONE.

I like the idea of having a contest and offering a contract to the winner, but what I don’t get is why they call it American Idol since not many of the winners do all that well. I mean, really. How many seasons have they had of this? And how many of the actual winners have reached Idol status? And when I say “idol status” I mean like Elvis Presley, or Elton John, or Prince and Michael Jackson in the 80’s, or Madonna through the 80’s and 90’s, or Mozart, Beethoven, The Rolling Stones, The Beatles, Aerosmith, …etc. The names you will truly never forget and twenty years after they have died, the surviving generations are doing remakes of their music, giving tours of their homes, and showing marathons and biographies of them on the anniversaries of their deaths, and making movies about their lives, THOSE are the musical Idols. I don’t really get that sense from ANY of the performers I have seen on American Idol. The real musical idols have more than staying power, they have a kind of immortality.

Now, I can see where it might be interesting to see a new celebrity in the making, but to have people like Simon sit there and say the absolute cruelest things he can come up with to someone who is absolutely star material (can you say Jennifer Hudson?) and tell them they don’t have what it takes, then they leave (usually in tears), I have to wonder how many people who are talented he would have blown past. Being able to sing in every genre shows talent, but it doesn’t make you an idol. I never want to hear Alanis Morrisette sing “I Will Survive”, but I am quite happy to listen to Jagged Little Pill from start to finish when I am feeling surly toward the male population. Different genres require different styles and sounds, and you don’t have to master every one of them to be an Idol. In fact, history has proven that it really only takes a mastery of one.

I suppose my annoyance with the Idol is simply the arrogant cruelty of it. Failing at something is hard enough without some schmuck sitting there berating you for the errors you have made in front of millions of people. Do I think the show is funny….it can be, but “painful to watch” is the term I would most often choose. And, I’m sorry, but the people who go on these types of shows in hopes of getting their names out there are really begging for a heart stomping. And they get it. It’s their choice to be there. I can’t decide if they are brave or stupid, so I am guessing it’s probably some of both.

For whatever reason, the show is insanely popular, and the last few contestants often become household names for a while. Bully for them. But it feels like this show is on my TV every night, and when it’s not airing, every other show is talking about it. I am sick of it. It’s been done to death.

Of them all, the only one I would say has actually reached any real heights of musical fame and hasn’t shamed themselves is Kelly Clarkson. Others would argue that it is the chick who sings country music, but I can’t get behind that argument since I can’t remember her name, and I don’t really care enough to go look it up. And as for Clay….people…he’s just embarrassing. The bulk of his following seems to be twelve year old girls…and they are the same demographic that catapulted Menudo, The New Kids On The Block, Brittany Spears & The Backstreet Boys into fame. Aiken’s concerts are spectacles that would make Liberace proud.

And what happened to Ruben? He was supposed to be the next Luther Vandross. And you can’t tell me that Taylor Hicks has reached idol status. Well, actually, you can tell me that, but it wouldn’t exactly be a statement that smacks of credibility. Every once in a while I will hear someone mention Fantasia, but I don’t actually hear her. She’s made it to Broadway, but I am not getting that true Idol vibe from any of them.

To me, the whole “idolness” of American Idol is deeply lacking. In my opinion, Paula needs to get in some serious couch time, Simon needs to have a spa day to control his hostility, and Randy…well, what can I say….this dude couldn’t be more boring if he made it a personal goal, so he needs to take some of the money he has made from this show and use it to pay a writer to provide him with something interesting to say.

Overall,  I feel American Idol is a mockery to much of the music industry, and many people who are on the audition episodes seem to be clinically deranged, plus, it’s mean.  The only singer on Idol that ever really managed to evoke real emotion from me, that was able to move me, was kicked off and told she didn’t have what it took to be a star…but that’s ok…she has an Academy Award now…and I am going to say here, what a huge portion of that population wished Jennifer Hudson had said when she got her Golden Globe and her Oscar…something like….

“I’m sorry Simon? What did you say? Something about me not having “it”...well, meet my friend Oscar… as Dustin Hoffman said when he won, "he has no genitalia and he is holding a sword"….you and Oscar have a lot in common.”

By the way, has anyone else noticed that Simon really can’t take criticism when it is directed at him? Talk about dishing it out but not being able to take it!

If this show must continue, then please, for the love of all that is holy, confine it to one night, even if it takes up the entire schedule for Fox for a night, just keep it in one place on one night so I don’t have hear about it on the radio every blasted day. I am already an insomniac, I really don’t need to be driven any further towards insanity by this absurd “phenomenon”.

Abra Moore - Soulful, Independent, and Resonating

Abra Moore has been on the music scene for over a decade now, and I am at a loss as to why more people don’t know about her or her music. But then, in a society that glorifies flakey media whores over people of genuine talent and soul, I can’t really say I am all that surprised.
Abra Moore, born June 8th, 1969 in San Diego, CA, is best described as a subtle force to be reckoned with. Her music combines a soulful indie-rock spirit with a stylized flow that creates a safe haven for the listener, while moving them towards a gutsy, non-commercialized realm of alternative music coupled with a smattering of jazz. Her sound is bohemian and conventional at the same time, making her an icon on the Austin Texas music scene (and if you have ever been to Austin during their annual music festivals, you KNOW that this is not small praise).
My first introduction to her music actually came from hearing one of her songs in the background of a tv show. The song, “Family Affair” grabbed me immediately and nearly reduced me to tears. The words were so simple, and in their simplicity, they were deeply resonating. I couldn’t get to my computer fast enough to run a lyrics search and find the melancholy goddess whose sound was rolling around in my head with no signs of stopping. Very few musicians can capture me so completely with only a few bars of music. Abra captured me, tied me up, took me hostage, and has yet to let me go… not that I am trying to escape.
While her music transports you, her lyrics ground you. Her words ring with truth and familiarity on many levels. She’s relatable and accessible whether she is singing about family or rollercoaster that is love.
If you enjoy Fiona Apple, Rie Sinclair, Anna Nalick, Jewel, and the like, you will want to give Abra Moore a listen.

Quick Lyrics: Family Affair

I sleep all day, what makes me feel this way.When everything's a bust, when everything keeps loosing my trust.Where do we begin with this unhappy ending.Where do we begin after all that we've done.How do we begin to say I forgive youAnd how do we begin to repair this family affair.
Artist: Abra Moore – Song Title: Family Affair – Album: Everything Changed





All lyrics are property and copyright of their owners. All lyrics provided for educational purposes only.

Henry Phillips - Standing On The Shoulders Of Freaks

Henry Phillips

Quote: “What I take from life, I give back through my art. So far I've taken nothing but crap."

Henry Phillips writes touching music, then attaches outrageous lyrics to it. Not since Ray Stevens has anyone managed to make people laugh through a song with such style. Like all good comedians and philosophers, Henry finds humor and metaphors in new places and is unapologetic in his works. But then, there is no need for him to apologize given the fact that what he says has this nasty tendency to be true.

In his honor, I would like to introduce you to the song of his that I favored most. It is also our song of the week.

Henry has been featured on Comedy Central, Jimmy Kimmel and is often heard on the radio on Bob & Tom. Always fun, and definitely worth a listen.

If you want to learn more about Henry, check out some of his work and get tour dates, visit his site at http://www.henryphillips.com/.


Lyrics to my favorite Henry Philips Song...

Standing On The Shoulders Of Freaks

Ancient philosophy was framed by prodigies;
Aristotle, Plato, and Socrates.
And even though their thoughts were deemed
the aristocratic voice,
They also had a thing for little boys.

Catherine the Great, so it's been said,
Needed large animals to be fulfilled in bed.

From historic rulers,
To the ancient Greeks,
We're standing on the shoulders of freaks

"Isn't life pretty?" Ernest Hemingway once said,
And then he put a bullet through his head

Salvador Dali's surreal paintings were godsent,
You'd never know he ate his own excrement.

Then there's Da Vinci, for whom it required
Dressing in women's underwear to be inspired.

From the great romantics,
To the ancient Greeks,
We're standing on the shoulders of freaks.

Truman Capote, needless to say,
Would be intoxicated 20 hours a day

From the modern authors,
To the ancient Greeks,

We're standing on the shoulders of freaks

For More from Henry, try these links...






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A Little About Rie Sinclair

Rie’s first full album was released last year - “On The 5th Floor” features her songs heard on General Hospital. She is a contract musician for ABC and I personally feel that there was no way that they could top Rie Sinclair.

Her music as a haunting, poetic beauty to them, not only in the music, but in her lyrics. The emmy nominated songstress weaves a beautifully poetic fabric that you can almost reach out and touch, and she punctuates it with her soulful voice with a soft, but defined edge.

Her magic stems and flourishes from the fact that with her entirely unique lyrics, smooth and somewhat melancholy sound, she is unlike anything I have heard before, but she makes it all so familiar. She leaves me feeling like someone has walked through the hidden parts of my mind and heart, and carefully spoke (or sang as the case may be) it out loud when I couldn’t find the words.

The following lyrics are from her song “Already Over”, which is a nothing short of a soulful journey through the grief of loving and not knowing if you are losing. It’s a soft gentle ballad, but Rie delivers it with a tone that says, “Yes, this hurts, but I am not a doormat. So what’s it going to be?”

Well, years play and memories stay and now I believe
That my heart will simply fall apart in to so many pieces…
Will you turn around & tell me its already over?
Will you tear my heart up & tell me how sorry you are?
…Is it safe to love you?

She balances the truth of love, both good and bad. With a perfect combination of the maturity of one who has had their heart broken, and the wide-eyed innocence that we all had before we found out that love can be painful Rie Sinclair will lead you into your own dreams of love as well as remind you of the heartbreak that you outgrew. She is absolutely seamless. Visit her sites to get a sample of what her sound can give you.

Her first CD, Glow, is available at Amazon.com. She can also be heard on iTunes and Purevolume.com.
Want to get it? Click Below to purchase from Amazon.com

Glow

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Universal Soundtrack of Life

We all have those songs that trigger memories of times past. To this day everytime I hear Prince's "When Dove's Cry" I am transported back to 1984 and I can almost smell the sea air that was near our home and I half expect our dog "Tippy", who died that year, to come trotting into the room. I even glance at the walls really fast and expect to see Duran Duran posters....
This is an ongoing thing for some of us. But now, we can actually have a soundtrack that everyone hears, and it is amazing the number of people who have it. It's right there in your pocket or purse...or clipped to your belt. It's your cell phone. More specifically, your ring tone. I got a new phone recently and wanted to download a ringtone that reflected me at this point in my life. It became funny to me because I suddenly realized that I wasn't choosing this tone entirely for myself. In part I was choosing it for the people around me who would hear it. Let's face it, we want to see people's reaction to our choices in phone songs.
The first song that I chose was the theme to the Exorcist...just for that vaguely haunting and eerie quality. But I wanted tones to match my different moods. Next to be downloaded was the chorus to Shakira's "Hips Don't Lie". I like the song. I used to be able to shake my bon-bon to it until my fibromyalgia became severe last summer...so I think I downloaded it as a hopeful sort of thing.
Once I had those two downloaded, I realized I needed something for the days when i am not feeling the need to fuck with others or steeped in hope of dancing again...I need something the suited my typical mood...I searched for a while and finally came up with two songs that I want for myself as well as for others to hear coming out of my pants. The first....the theme to the Pink Panther. When it plays I can pretend to be stealthy and sly.
The other song...the work of art...the source of great glee to me was the chorus to Bad Day by Daniel Powter. Here's what was happening in my mind's eye that triggered this selection of perfection....
I am walking down the aisle at work, it's been a rough day, but it is finally over. As I am making the long journey towards the door, someone calls me, and the song springs forth from my pants spewing it's poignant lyrics --
"Because you had a bad day You're taking one down You sing a sad song just to turn it around You say you don't know You tell me don't lie You work at a smile and you go for a ride You had a bad day The camera don't lie You're coming back down and you really don't mind You had a bad day"
And as this universal peice of poetry plays, I am moving in slow motion, in time with the song, down the aisle, and people will look and see me, and marvel at the strength of my character for making it thru hell, and they will be awed that I am so great that not only did I survive another day in hell, but I earned my own soundtrack in the process. Hell, there is a cameraman with me, catching all of my glory. They have followed me around all day waiting for my phone to ring while I walk down a long aisle just to get this shot!
Recently I have changed my ringtone from this song simply because I am soooo sick of it. Now I have Alanis Morissette letting everyone know that I am a Citizen of This Planet. She's a goddess.
Don't sit there and look at me like I'm nuts.....you know you have thought about it too.....
NOW... CUE THE DRAMATIC MUSIC!!

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